Dad at Gunpoint
If he had pulled the trigger, my life and mom's life would have changed forever.
My dad was managing the counter at an Indian restaurant in Blantyre. It was his side hustle. Malawi hardly had any Indian restaurants at the time, so opening one seemed like a great idea…until one day…when a gang of armed robbers decided to break in. They knocked down the security guard, and quickly took over the place. Most managed to escape. Unfortunately, dad didn’t have enough time to escape, and before he knew it, there was a gun pointed at his head.
He managed to stay calm. He began to take everything out from his pockets—keys, wallet, coins--to signal that he was willing to give away everything he had. There was a photo of his guru in his pocket—dad always carries this with him. As he took the photo out and placed it on the table, just then, the guard regained consciousness and blew his whistle, and at once, the robbers rushed out in fear. To many who’ve heard the story, the timing of the whistle the moment the photo was placed on the table—was a life-saving coincidence—a lucky charm. But, for dad, it was a reminder that his guru was looking out for him.
I sometimes wonder, what if dad didn’t give away his things to the thug? What if he had resisted? Would the guy have waited to pull the trigger? It wasn’t uncommon. We knew friends who were shot to death. Many people tend to hold on to valuables even in life or death situations—it’s a natural tendency. For dad, though, giving is his default mindset. Let me share a couple stories.
When we moved to Malawi, one of the perks dad got from his employer was a housekeeper. He lived right next to us, and was available for any type of housework, day or night. In Malawi, they called them houseboys. James was in his late teens, and like other houseboys, he was paid a bit over minimum wage—enough to get by for basic needs. Something didn’t feel right though, to dad. A boy in his late teens should be in school, not working for us 24/7. So he asked James to join a school. He insisted that he could work only if he went to school. Dad took care of the tuition and fees. James did the housework in the morning and went to school in the afternoon. I remember spending many evenings with James discussing his Maths homework. The point I’m making is that this wasn’t typical. Houseboys were expected to be on-call the whole day, so they can’t be going to school or be busy with homework. Years later, we heard that James found a job in London. He beat the odds. Sometimes I wonder, what if dad hadn’t looked out for James’s best interest?
Here’s another story. This one relates to me. It’s personal, but it’s a story that must be told. In the late 80s, dad launched a startup, invested his savings in it, and like most startups, it failed. After a period of financial struggle, dad found a job in Malawi, thanks to a connection my mom’s uncle made. Mom’s uncle was in the UN, and knew a lot of the employers in Africa.
Dad, in his 40s, restarted his financial journey from scratch in Malawi. Seven years later, it was time for me to go to college—and I had my eyes set on a US college. But there was a problem—US colleges are painfully expensive for international students, especially for undergrads. Going to the US would wipe out the savings my dad had worked so hard to rebuild. Most international students who go to the US either come from wealthy families, or they go for their Masters because the university usually gives a stipend to grad students. I could have gone to an Indian university for much less, but dad insisted that I stick to the US if that was my first choice.
So I went—to Mississippi initially, and then to Arizona. Expenses were even more than we had forecasted. To say that it was a struggle to pay the fees each semester would be an understatement. After a point, dad got his boss to wire his entire salary directly to me. There were times he got my aunt to help out, who graciously did, and still won’t accept a return. In the end, I managed to graduate but I don’t think anyone had an inkling of what it took. Every parent wants their kid to have the best education possible. But no father in their right mind would send a child to an expensive university if that meant their life savings was going to get zeroed.
But then, if not for dad’s giving mindset…who knows, the guy may have pulled the trigger.